Tuesday, March 12 - Good Morning America - Jessica Alba is the guest today, hawking some kind of healthy food/cosmetics crap that every celebrity feels entitled to release a line of the minute they push a kid out and become an authority on life. (Paging Gwyneth Paltrow, Drew Barrymore) Tons of people in the studio, and a zillion teenage girls shrieking outside for some black boy band inside, afros and goggles getting in the way of a clear shot. There is NOTHING in the world worse than the shriek of a teenage girl. I'd rather listen to Yoko Ono sing while scratching her nails on a chalkboard than hear the high pitched wails of a prepubescent female, but you can't punch them in the face to shut them up because that's just wrong, so I headed over to the barricades. Marie was there, right up in front as usual, so I squeezed my way through the crowd (sorry kids, but I'm pushing my way through and it's too damn bad if you were here first) and stood between Marie and the wall. On her other side was this autograph girl I've seen before, who always looks like she's in a Klonopin haze. Did I mention it was raining? Well it was, and Klonopin was holding the umbrella, except that the drugs were kicking in and she could barely hold the umbrella up, so I was getting poked in the face when the umbrella wasn't just getting in my way. Seriously, if you're going to hold it that low just buy one of those stupid umbrella hats that tourists wear at Jersey shore beaches or ballparks and stop getting in everyone else's way. I pushed the umbrella up a few times, before just grabbing it and holding it myself. Seriously bitch, please!
Jessica was very sweet when she came out, signing autographs and posing on both sides of the barricades. And that's when Marie lost her shit. Screaming at the tourists pushing behind us, 'Stop pushing! We're here every day! Go away!' It was SO funny!!! Marie doesn't usually lose her temper, but today she was all Real Housewives of the Bronx crazy, shouting at a German (French?) tourist who insisted that 'I deedn't do anything and you can't talk to me like that' and wouldn't back the fuck off even when I asked her to please just go away. Bitch please! The drama we go through for a damn photograph sometimes!
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