My name is Dita...I'll be your mistress tonight...

What is there to say about Dita Von Teese?   Glamour girl.  Femme fatale.  The Queen of Burlesque.  Sheer perfection every time she steps foot out of the house in head to toe vintage glam.  Every time I see a picture of Dita, I get an intense craving for candy. The woman looks like she's made purely out of sugar. Her skin is like fluff, her hair and eyebrows are made of black licorice and her lips are covered in candy apple coating. Delicious. Now I really want something sugary. I don't have anything sweet in the house. I know. That should be illegal. I'll have to settle for a cup of sugar water. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

So imagine my excitement when I found out Dita's burlesque show 'Strip Strip Hooray' (I know, right?) was coming to the Gramercy Theatre!  I've seen a ton of male strippers, and by ton I mean TON, and my roommate Julio and I were regulars at this club Zippers in Miami Beach (R.I.P. Zippers) to the point where the strippers had our table and drinks ready every Friday night (R.I.P. Zippers), but with the exception of my friend Adrian taking me to a strip club in DC to celebrate my 18th birthday (no gaydar on that one) I've never seen female strippers, and I've never seen it done as glamorous as burlesque.  

Ticket in hand, I marched my happy ass down to the Gramercy Theatre Wednesday night excited about my date with Dita.  All day I toyed with the idea of upgrading to the meet and greet after the show, but the extra $182 (random) just seemed too steep, so I settled for standing in the general admission area hoping to get some good pictures.  Sadly, the management informed us numerous times that 'At the request of Ms. Von Teese, photography, flash photography and video were not allowed.'  Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  There's no way that I can describe the glamorous imagery that is burned into my head.  Feathers!  Swarovskis!  Louboutins!  A giant martini glass sponge bath!  A powder puff come to life!  I can't!  I can't!  I can't!

Toward the end of the show, I noticed a girl next to me discreetly taking photos with her cell phone.  This got me thinking that if the show is almost over, sneaking a few pictures during the finale wouldn't be so bad.  Throw me out?  Who cares, the shows over!  So here, in all her glamorous glory, is Dita Von Teese, my new queen!