In a desperate attempt to gain street cred on the playground, preschool's 'baddest bitch' Justin Bieber was arrested today for drag racing under the influence. I know it's wrong, but I feel like Jesus knows my heart and might let me off with holy side eye when I say "Thank God! Throw the book at him!" But this is Florida, and their criminal justice system is fucked, so he'll probably get off with a fine and some court appearances and live to douche another day. Fucking kids these days!
Balancing out the child star equilibrium is Melissa Gilbert, possibly the most boring child celebrity in the universe. She may have been a filthy skank, but she kept that shit quiet through nine seasons of
Little House on the Prarie, a show about poor people and dirt that was on at the same time as
Rhoda, which is two reasons why I never watched it. Here's Melissa leaving
NY Live yesterday. Apparently the prarie had a plastic surgeon.
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