Celebrity Kitchen Sink

When I was a kid my grandparents used to take my brother and I to Aunt Janet's, which despite the name was not the house of a shut in relative (we had those, just not named Janet) but an old fashioned ice cream parlor where waitresses in Little House on the Prairie hoop skirts and bonnets served ice cream sundaes in those metal stands and fake crystal plates you don't see anymore because we're all in such a damn hurry to take our frozen yogurt home to watch American Idol rather than having a civilized social experience in public.  Aunt Janet's had this sundae called the kitchen sink, which was six scoops of ice cream, hot fudge, caramel, nuts, sprinkles, bananas, whipped cream, cherries and anything else in the kitchen that was about to go bad, which sounded ominous and fascinating to my adolescent mind (A sundae in a sink!  Wow!) but was really just foreplay to a lifetime battle with diabetes and 45 minutes on the treadmill every day for the rest of your life.  This post is that sundae - a little bit of everything before it all goes bad.

First up is Allison Janney, who won some awards back in the day for some TV show I never watched but was fabulous as Loretta in Drop Dead Gorgeous, and if you've never seen that movie shame on you!  Add it to your Netflix queue immediately!  You'll thank me later.

Minnie Driver was in town to promote something I don't care about (seriously, I don't care) and I'm not sure what it is, but something about her annoys me.  I think it's the hair.

I don't know what Marlon Wayans was promoting, but he wrote White Chicks and all those Scary Movie movies so I'm sure it's very deep.

Janelle Monae is some singer who clearly didn't get the message that wearing black gloves strictly for fashion purposes is only okay if you're going to pull them off one finger at a time while singing a torch song in a giant martini glass, which she did not do

while Zooey Deschanel extended her bullshit hipster hustle with a Tommy Hilfiger capsule collection, officially jumping the shark from quirky to annoying right there in Times Square.  I'll never understand why actors need to sing and singers need to act and anyone who wears clothes feels qualified to design them when they should all just stick to whatever made them famous in the first place and stop being such greedy motherfuckers!

But I give mad respect to Adrien Brody, who looks a little like a cartoon sketch you get drawn of you at the fair and was so excited to accept his Oscar that he basically assaulted Halle Berry on national television, although after Catwoman someone needed to.