Wish You Were Here (Not Really)!

OMG you guys!  Sorry to neglect you for so long but it's been a crazy week!  I just got back from Kim and Kanye's wedding, and what a fucking circus that was!  First I had to fly all the way to Paris for lunch with Valentino (artichoke hearts salad and poached eggs, baked sea bass and a sugar free cake with 'Kim & Kanye' decorated with arrows and hearts - not tacky at all!) and I don't even wear Valentino!  Then there was the rehearsal dinner at Versailles (Bitch, it's your third wedding!  What do you need to rehearse? ) before we were all herded on a plane to Florence for the charade pre-divorce ceremony.  Kim wore white, ignoring the first two marriages and the sex tape that made her famous, and that baby of hers was nowhere to be found, but don't worry they'll Photoshop her into the pictures later.  Speaking of pictures, Kris Jenner showed her strong pimp hand, banning cameras and cell phones, so you'll all just have to watch the staged happiness and pure tackiness unfold on Throwing Up with the Kardashians next season.

After my nausea subsided I called a friend with a private jet to pick me up and take me to Molly Sims's party in the Hamptons.  Guy Fieri did the food, there was plenty of Ramona pinot grigio, and nobody took my camera away.

Happy Memorial Day.