"You Can't Sit With Us!"

Aside from always knowing where the good parties with the best drugs music were, my friend Andy has the unique ability to watch a movie once and recite lines from it the rest of his life.  I'll be on the treadmill at the gym and get a text from this bitch with some random quote about hiring the smart, fat girl or how we wear pink on Wednesday.  Girl clique movies were a particular favorite, and our bond as soul sisters was solidified over meth, ecstasy and GHB Mean Girls, The Devil Wears Prada and my favorite, Jawbreaker.

You might recognize Judy Greer from Arrested Development, 13 Going on 30, The Descendants or the commercial where she adds goth/punk Stefan to her AT&T family plan, but for Andy and me she'll always be Fern Mayo, the social outcast who is transformed into a swan after overhearing a murder confession in Jawbreaker.

And how about Lacey Chabert, who went from playing Claudia Salinger on Party of Five to storing secrets in her hair and trying to make 'fetch' happen as Toaster Strudel heiress Gretchen Weiners in Mean Girls.

We've watched them, we've quoted them, and I had to stand still and hold something sturdy because I could barely handle meeting them!  Now I've just gotta meet Amber D'Allesio, the wide-set vagina girl, Glen Coco and that grotsky little byotch Trang Pak.

My Big, Fat, Greek Enema

So I'm back from my trip to Greece - did you miss me?  Unfortunately, I didn't see any celebrities, although my favorite supermodel Paulina Porizkova was in Crete and the queen across the pool from me in Mykonos looked suspiciously like Michael Kors.  More unfortunate, I should have taken time to catch up on old unposted photos but I didn't, so now this blog is severely backed up.  Like me when I eat too many bananas.  So let's get comfortable, insert a Fleet, and get this shit going!

Cameron Diaz is a two faced mega bitch who will promote her shitty movies on morning TV and then ignore her fans as she's leaving the taping.  Cunt!

Kate Upton, who was so nice at Heidi Klum's Halloween party a few years ago, has taken more than acting tips from Cameron, and is also ignoring fans these days.  Pretty soon her ego will be as big as her tits.

Only Leslie Mann bothered to acknowledge fans while promoting The Other Woman, but really, who cares?

The cast of X-Men: Days of Future Past weren't much better, which is why these pictures look like they were taken through a window.  They were.

Michael Imperioli was nice enough to stop and pose for photos outside Good Day NY, making me miss The Sopranos (and quality television in general)

while Swoozie Kurtz (remember her?) would have blended in with every other big headed, tiny bodied, reverse Beetlejuice looking middle aged woman in midtown if my friend Pavan and I hadn't stopped her for photos.  Damn us!

Speaking of quality television, Jimmy Kimmel Live is the best late night talk show on the air.  I used to go to tapings all the time, and besides In-N-Out Burger, afterhours parties at the Henry Fonda Theatre and the farmer's market on Ivar it's one of the few things I miss about living in LA.

My mom is a big fan of Suze Orman, and always sends me her investing books, which I politely put on my shelf for a few weeks and then return to her unread.  Thanks mom!  This one's for you!

Wow!  I feel a little less backed up now!