Full Nelson

Remember Nelson, who had a big hit back in the early 90's with that one song neither of us can remember because we were distracted by their ridiculously luscious blonde locks and the novelty of their dead famous father rather than any talent they might have?  Well a lot has happened to Nelson since then, and by that I mean they finally got a haircut and....well.....nothing else really.  Just in time for the holidays, Nelson were on Fox & Friends this week to promote another Christmas album the world doesn't need before heading to their day jobs busking for change in the subway.

I Wish I'd Shaved Today

It's always the days that I sleep in, am running late, or just feeling lazy and don't shave when I meet someone incredible and wish I'd taken a few extra fucking minutes in the morning or had a little more self esteem at 6AM and attempted to look presentable.

Shootin' At The Walls of Heartache

Breaking up with someone is one of the shittiest, most painful things a person can go through unless they're Taylor Swift and make a career out of writing songs every time a relationship ends.  The confusion, the sadness, the loneliness, the endless pints of ice cream....it all fucking sucks.  Thankfully, my girl Patty Smyth is helping me shoot at the walls of heartache (bang, bang).  Patty IS the warrior, and if anyone can guide me through it she can.

My Big Fat Greek Brain Fart

Sometimes when I'm writing these blog entries I have a very clear idea of what I want to say and the words come effortlessly, and other times I'm staring at a blank page (because I still write in long hand and type it out afterwards a la the late great Jackie Collins) struggling to come up with a train of thought.  That's when my mind wanders into surreal John Waters territory and I start wondering crazy shit like whether Stevie Nicks even owns a pair of jeans or what the original angels at the Charles Townsend Agency are up to these days.  I mean, can you imagine a senior citizen version of Charlie's Angels starring Sally Field, Dolly Parton and Cher as Sabrina, Jill and Kelly, solving crimes on the Sunset Strip in between concerts at the House of Blues or the Troubadour?  The Barbie-like dazzle of lots of makeup, tons of fake hair and the cumulative effects of plastic surgery could make this the gayest thing on television since the Miss Universe pageant or Battle of the Network Stars and it would probably sweep the Emmys in every category that exists and some that haven't even been created yet, but this is really just a long winded way of saying I can't come up with shit to write about Olympia Dukakis, who has already worked with all three women and should play the voice of Charlie.