Cuchi Cuchi With The Star!

The latest cast of Dancing to Pay The Damn Rent was revealed this morning on Good Morning America, and sprinkled among those willing to humiliate themselves on live television is the Swarovski encrusted star power of an international treasure who has fascinated me since her Hollywood Squares panelist days, her eight appearances on The Love Boat, and her starring turn in the Christmas episode of Pee-wee's Playhouse; an ageless sequined sparkler who made a career out of busting and thrusting her shit and is about to share her talents with the world!  As she walked to the waiting van after the announcement I channeled every Telenovela I ever watched on the treadmill at the gym and every Cuban trick I ever slept with in Miami, calling out to her with what little Spanish I can remember, "Charo!  Charo!  Por favor!"  I even rolled my damn r's like Mrs. Bogardus taught me to in high school!  And I thought my gay heart would explode and then set itself on fire and scream "Balenciaga!" in it's final moments on earth as Charo STEPPED OUT OF THE VAN, cuchied over to the barricade, and posed for this picture like the intergalactic superstar and future mirror ball trophy winner that she is.