Blue Steel!

Behati Prinsloo is as well known for gracing the Victoria's Secret catwalk as she is for being Mrs. Adam Levine (Oh who am I kidding?  No she's not!) so it stands to reason that I catch her on the coldest day of the year in thirty layers of cashmere and an ugly hat instead of her usual lace panties and wings because of course!

Thankfully it was a little warmer last week when really, really ridiculously good looking male model Derek Zoolander stopped by the Howard Stern Show to announce that Zoolander 2 is a thing that is happening. 

Really No Hassle

I think we can all agree that David Hasselhoff is one of entertainment's most talented treasures.  A gift.  And you don't question gifts, you just accept them.  Enjoy them.  And then go on with the hardships of your life.

Who didn't dream about going for a joyride with Michael Knight and that hot ass talking car?  Or fantasize about Mitch Buchannon's hairy, sweaty man boobs heaving up and down as he ran down the beach in slow motion?  And who didn't wear out the Hoff's beloved audio masterpiece Looking For Freedom on their Sony Walkman, catapulting him to Best Album and Best Artist of 1989 in Germany?  Or want to share a meal with him after seeing him crawl around the floor trying to eat a cheeseburger in a shirtless, drunken stupor videotaped by his daughter?

David Hasselhoff is the tonic we all need.

The End of the Blog As We Know It?

Guys, I'm scared.  Seriously scared.  I did something stupid this morning that could spell disaster for the future of this blog.  In what could only be described as an apocalyptic move, I met television show killer Ted McGinley, and now I fear this blog is doomed.  Known as much for his hunky blond looks and piercing blue eyes as his history of ruining every TV show he appeared on, Ted was a staple of such 80's shows as Happy Days, The Love Boat, Dynasty and Married With Children, joining each show just before viewers jumped ship, ratings dried up and the show was eventually cancelled.  He's like the Ebola virus of prime time and I just hope this blog is immune.  I'm begging you guys, if I even mildly entertain you or bring a glimmer of humor to your otherwise boring lives, please keep reading every day.  Hell, share the link with your friends, I don't give a shit.  But let's stand together, united, and defiantly say 'Fuck you Ted McGinley!'

Boo, You Whore!

I know you're thinking 'Why is this bitch posting Halloween pictures in March?' but I'm not.  I'm posting this photo of a shrinky dink dipped in formaldehyde one of the universe's most naturally beautiful creatures Heidi Fleiss because it's spring and that's when all the delicate flowers start to bloom.

Boo Boo Kitty Litter

Andre's not the only one off his bipolar meds on Empire this season.  Running on CP time, Grace Gealey pulled up to Fox studios AT THE TIME HER SEGMENT WAS TO AIR this morning, snapping that she had 'a very busy day' to the two fans hoping for autographs when she left.  Her publicist must have slipped her the lithium or explained that being next level cunt ten episodes into your first acting job is never a smart career move, because ten minutes later, segment over, this fake ass Halle Berry was all smiles and warmth on her way out of the building.   No wonder Lucious chose Cookie.

Here's The Story

It's day 27 and I'm still in the boot and I'm sick of people asking me about my foot, because instead of injuring it in a bar fight or a cliff diving accident, I woke up one day with a stress fracture, which is a pussy kind of injury to talk about.  So when Florence Henderson asked me what happened it was like sitting at the dinner table when the vase starts to leak, and I'm looking at Greg and he's looking at Marcia and she's looking at Bobby and everyone's pretending not to see the water leaking all over the table because it's easier than saying "Peter was playing ball in the house and broke your favorite vase" so I blurted "snowboarding accident" instead.

I lied to Mrs. Brady.  And I'm going to hell.

Ooh-Na-Na

Did anyone ever tell Rihanna her name?  Cause girlfriend could barely manage a wave to the screaming (and I DO mean screaming) fans this morning at Good Morning America.  Riri and her fivehead showed up to promote her new film Home because being a multi-platinum selling recording artist is not enough for our girl and now she wants to conquer film.  Stop trying to make fetch happen Riri!  All these singers that wanna act and actors that wanna sing and models that wanna design underwear.  I just want a good night's sleep.

Empire State of Mind

Are you guys as excited about Fox's new show Empire as I am?  "Probably not," you say, "because that queen gets overexcited about everything" but this show is GOOD!!  It's billed as a 'hip hop Dynasty' and that's no joke.  With Taraji P. Henson giving superfly Alexis Colby realness as Cookie Lyon

and sexy Jussie Smollett  as her gay son Steven Jamal

we've already been served homophobic father tension, vengeful ex-wife on a mission and gay baby daddy drama and we're only eight episodes in!  Jesus Christ!  Even Dynasty waited until season three to introduce Steven's son Danny!  At this rate we'll get a lily pond catfight tonight and a wedding day massacre during sweeps!