Going Out On A High

Who better to close out my NYC celebrity experience than Amy Sedaris, the madcap actress/comedian responsible for Strangers With Candy's iconic Jerri Blank.  Mix a dose of kooky, two sprinkles of twisted sensibility and a side of depravity, and you've got Amy.  And the last seven years of my life in New York.  The perfect send off, if not the perfect picture.

V is for Vanna!

The Gods have smiled down on me and I don't have to go out on a Wilson Cruz low, because Pat Sajak and original beacon of gameshow glamour and premiere letter turner Vanna White were at The Paley Center for Media Wednesday night to celebrate the 35th anniversary of Wheel of Fortune! 


Let THAT sink in for a minute. 


Thirty-five years of Wheel of Fortune, going all the way back to the days when winners had to spend every damn cent they won on tacky shit like ceramic dalmation statues and silver-plated peanut bowls shaped like fish.


That's thirty-five years of me screaming at the TV every time some idiot wastes their money buying a goddamn vowel, but it's also thirty-five years of Vanna's exquisite Caché gowns that are the epitome of GLAMOUR, her luscious mane of ash brown hair that takes hair spray like nobody's business, and a job so easy even a Trump could do it.

Hey Gurl, Hey!

In case you haven't heard, I'm moving to Miami in a few weeks, forcing me into celebrity semi-retirement since I won't be stalking Telemundo studios or popping bottles in the club in South Beach, and I really wanted to go out on a high note with an A-list celebrity like Meryl Streep or Linda Evangelista or Jocelyn Wildenstein, and not this queen from that mid-90's TV show and a couple gay, indie films that I used to see shirtless and high as a kite on the dancefloor every weekend I'd go out in LA (and I mean EVERY weekend), but I took the photo anyway because Petra Nemcova was either very early or very late arriving at Good Day New York, but either way I never saw her and I didn't want the day to be a total waste of time, so here's Wilson Cruz.

Hey, How's Your News?

With all the fake news coming out of right field, ie Fox News, Breitbart, twitter and that potato head White House mouthpiece with the tragic makeup and Rose Nyland wardrobe, it's hard to tell who you can trust for information these days, but one thing I know for sure is that you can always rely on Dan Rather for the truth.  With roots going back to the Civil Rights Movement, Watergate and the war in Vietnam, he's a giant of broadcast journalism who has seen and reported on it all, and has proven to be a steady hand and voice of reason in these toxic times.  Giving voice to the marginalized and calling out hypocrisy through his website News and Guts and his weekly Sirius radio show Dan Rather's America, he also influenced one of R.E.M.'s best songs What's the Frequency, Kenneth? after being attacked by two assailants repeating the phrase "Kenneth, what's the frequency?", making him cooler than most grandpas out there.

What Happens When Annie Hall Takes Styling Tips from Beetlejuice

Diane Keaton hasn't given a fuck since the days of Annie Hall, so it's no surprise that she would build a house from the ground up, taking inspiration solely from Pinterest, and then write a book about the process.  Or that she would dress like a Cirque du Soleil version of the aging Supreme from American Horror Story: Coven while out promoting it. 

Fun fact: I went to this signing with my friend Blake, who actually bought the book for his mother Rhonda.  After he got it signed and I took his picture I jumped right in for mine (without buying the book), and when Diane asked who I was I told her we were brothers, even though we look nothing alike and Blake has a southern accent.  She asked what I thought of Rhonda, and I asked "what's not to love?"  I lied to Diane Keaton, and I am going to hell.

The Drama!

I've never been into blondes (or women), but I've always had a crush on Catherine Oxenberg.  From the moment she showed up in mother Alexis Colby's penthouse unannounced to her affair with Alexis' fiance Dex Dexter to her doomed marriage to Prince Michael of Moldavia in Dynasty's greatest cliffhanger of all time, her portrayal of secret, spoiled, petulant Carrington daughter Amanda had me from the start.  Catherine's real life is just as messy.  The daughter of Yugoslav royalty, she had an out of wedlock child with a drug smuggler, was married to my Hollywood idol Robert Evans for nine days, then jumped on Starship Troopers hunk Casper Van Dien's dick for sixteen years.  Still gorgeous, she's currently trying to rescue her daughter from a cult, proving that sometimes real life is stranger than fiction.

How Do You Say Deee-Groovy?

I know I'm the first person you all think of when you hear funk music, but the truth is I don't know shit about it.  Aside from a couple Rufus songs featuring Chaka Khan, the only funk I know is the stench of a ripe New York City subway in the summer, but that didn't stop me from dragging my 5% less body fat ass down to The Strand tonight to meet funk legend Bootsy Collins.  Except for his work on the Deee-Lite masterpiece Groove Is In The Heart I don't know a damn thing about him, but this outfit is deee-groovy!