When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. And when life hands you cubic zirconia, you shine that shit like a diamond and put it on display for the world to see. Nobody does that better than the Jacksons, who have managed to ride the coattails of Michael, and now Janet into relevancy for the last 50 years. With no discernable talent of her own, LaToya Jackson managed to release nine studio albums, be part of "We Are The World", pen two memoirs, pose for Playboy twice, create a psychic friends hotline, grace three reality shows (including becoming a detective on that 2007 summer smash Armed and Famous) and get a namesake dessert at Millions of Milkshakes in West Hollywood. (The "La Toya Jackson Shake" consists of strawberries, bananas, pineapple and coconut, topped with whipped cream and a Cadbury flake.) She is responsible for "Heart Don't Lie", instantly recognized as a masterpiece by my brother and I when we first saw the video on MTV, back in 1984 when MTV played videos. Look for it on You-Tube....you'll thank me later. So when the crown jewel of the Jackson family left the Havenhurst compound, which is an island of misfit toys if ever there was one, to promote her new reality show Life with LaToya (on OWN, 10:30 PM Saturday) at Good Morning America, there was no question I'd be there.
Looking like an underexposed x-ray, LaToya took her seat across the studio, while hair and makeup did the best they could at 8:00AM to make her look like the exquisite My Little Pony she wants to be. With a look of permanent surprise on her face and a wardrobe straight out of the Radio City Christmas Spectacular, they had their work cut out for them, but these folks are professionals damnit, and they worked their magic while she sat there daintily sipping her Evian through a straw. Transfixed by her aura, a mixture of Tinkerbell, cotton candy, meringue and 99 cent store glitter, I have no idea how the interview went as I happily snapped away. She really is a living breathing Tickle Me Elmo, and you just know she wants to buy an island made of candy like in that AT&T commercial.
Having said all that, I watched the show and guess what....I liked it! I guess I'll have to wait a little longer for her stint on Dancing with the Stars or (please God, please!) her turn as a mentor on X-Factor.
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