And It All Comes Down To You

Tonight is the final episode of American Horror Story: Coven and I may weep.  Not because I'm sad to see it go, but for the wildly uneven season that it's been.  Shit is really fucked up you guys!  It's like some Ryan Murphy jambalaya tourettes nightmare.  Witches, immortal racists, frankenboyfriend, minotaur sex, zombies, clorox enemas, voodoo, jars of jizz and Stevie Nicks giving twirling lessons?  How about THAT for season three fuckers?!  Coven had very little plot movement, not much tension, and nowhere near the depth and boldness of past seasons.  It was divas tearing up the scenery, and scenery that looks like a Vogue editorial.  I'm in it until the end, obviously, but does it really matter who the next Supreme is?  Unless Stevie Nicks turns up tonight singing Seven Wonders in the ultimate psych bitch power play, my vote is for Cordelia, but only because Nan's dead, Myrtle's too old and the others bore the shit out of me.  Plus, Sarah Paulson stopped for this photo.

The Original Dreamgirl, Miss Jennifer Holliday

There is NOTHING in the world that can compare to the moment tonight when Jennifer Holliday, standing five feet from me, opened her mouth, and the first notes came bellowing out.  'And I am telling you.....I'm not going.'  I've seen Jennifer Hudson do it, I've seen Whitney do it, I've seen some of the best (and worst) drag queens and American Idol hopefuls do it....hell I've even done it stuck in traffic on the 405, but nobody can sing the hell out of that song like Broadway icon Jennifer Holliday.  And tonight, complete with facial expressions dug from deep in her soul, she did, in an acapella rendition that left me with goosebumps and tears in my eyes.  It was an honor and a privilege Miss Holliday, and I thank you.

Child Stars - They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To

In a desperate attempt to gain street cred on the playground, preschool's 'baddest bitch' Justin Bieber was arrested today for drag racing under the influence.  I know it's wrong, but I feel like Jesus knows my heart and might let me off with holy side eye when I say "Thank God!  Throw the book at him!"  But this is Florida, and their criminal justice system is fucked, so he'll probably get off with a fine and some court appearances and live to douche another day.  Fucking kids these days!

Balancing out the child star equilibrium is Melissa Gilbert, possibly the most boring child celebrity in the universe.  She may have been a filthy skank, but she kept that shit quiet through nine seasons of Little House on the Prarie, a show about poor people and dirt that was on at the same time as Rhoda, which is two reasons why I never watched it.  Here's Melissa leaving NY Live yesterday.  Apparently the prarie had a plastic surgeon.

Live From The Polar Vortex!

This is Kevin, reporting to you live from the polar vortex with apologies for not having more celebrity pictures to post.  Everyone from Cameron Diaz to Kellan Lutz to Jessica Simpson has been in town lately whoring out their latest projects, but Ginger Zee and Al Roker are telling me it's so cold I could die if I leave the house to shoot them!  Something about wind chill, subzero temperatures, and dangerous cold.  Perhaps you've heard about it? In my day, growing up in Western New York, we called it January, and we put on a hat and some gloves and got on with it, but now it's got a fancy name and a death sentence, and as much as I love you crazy fucks I'm not willing to get hypothermia for you.  So from the comfort of my couch, here's a shot of Saturday Night Live alum (and Weight Watchers spokeswoman) Ana Gasteyer leaving Fox & Friends last week.  Ana greets me every day when I log in my food choices, but when I told her I had a wrap with eggwhites and avocado for breakfast she gave me a funny look.  Oops, my bad!

Ice Ice Baby?

Sometimes I photograph a celebrity and then struggle to write something interesting about them.  Take, for example, Ice Cube.  Do I talk about his rap career in an attempt to sound gangsta?  Do I write about his films, none of which I've seen?  Do I say something about how great he is on Law & Order: SVU, or how hot his wife Coco is?  (Oh wait, that's Ice-T!)  Or do I admit defeat and tell you I don't know shit about Ice Cube, and just post a picture of him leaving the Today Show on Wednesday?  Yeah, that's what I'll do.

"I'm (a) very rich bitch!"

There was no need for SPF Monday with all the shade Nene Leakes threw leaving Rockefeller Center after taping NY Live.  'In a hurry to get to an appointment' (according to her publicist), the famewhore walked to her car in slow motion, making sure the paparazzi got their shots while refusing the three fans asking for autographs.  The 'Donald Trump money' hasn't bought her any class, because that behavior was as tacky as her Hermey the Elf hair and Wilson's Leather jacket circa 1986.

Celebrity Spawn

I feel kinda weird writing this since I remember when she was born, but I'm a little intrigued by Alexa Ray Joel.  A beautiful, unconventional combination of Billy Joel's coloring and Christie Brinkley's cheekbones and smile, Alexa is a singer-songwriter who first came to my attention during a 2010 interview with Howard Stern, performing a song that got stuck in an infinite loop in my brain while driving through the San Gabriel mountains back to LA to the point where I wanted to drive off the road and over a cliff just to get it out of my head.  She'll probably never play the Garden, but I'd definitely go see her at the piano bar in the West Village where her career is bound to take her.  I've heard she's very sweet in person, but I wouldn't know since she garaged it at the Today Show in December, so here's a shot of her through the window to clos out my 2013 photos.

In other celebrity spawn news, that Ronan Farrow is HOT and I hear he swings both ways.  Stay tuned for photos of him in 2014!

Does Anybody Remember Laughter?

December seemed like a Nick at Night explosion, as classic sitcom stars decked the halls of NYC to promote their latest projects. 

Kirstie Alley was in town to promote her latest comeback attempt, Kirstie, and she looks good, and by good I mean rested and her hair is not a mess.  She's stuffed into that dress like a well packed sausage and is probably wearing a factory's worth of Spanx, but she's 60 years old and could easily pass for late 40's, so good for her!  If only she'd lose the trademark sneer and Renee Zellweger eyes and smile for a change.

Co-star Michael Richards has lots to smile about, getting his first steady work since a 2006 racist tirade obliterated his career, forcing him to live in comfortable shame off his Seinfeld royalties.

Add in Rhea Perlman

 

and you'd think this show is a comedy homerun, right?  Yeah, not so much.  In fact, it sucks worse than Lindsay Lohan on the casting couch after an all-nighter.

I must say, I squealed a little when I saw Rhea at the Today show with her husband Danny DeVito (I KNOW!), promoting the blue ray release of their 17 year old film Matilda because the world has been clamoring for THAT!  Who didn't put a black lace veil over their face, light a candle and say a prayer to St. Joseph when these two announced their separation a few years back?  Well true love is back from near death, and I can sleep a little easier tonight knowing two people so clearly made for each other are together again.  Plus, ever since my friend Bruce and I saw a midget pushing a broom in Dupont Circle, little people make me squeal.  It's a sickness, I know.

Taking a dramatic turn, John Goodman was in town to promote his new film Inside Llewyn Davis, with stops at The Today Show and The Howard Stern Show, where he spoke honestly about battling alcoholism, losing 100 pounds, his years on Roseanne and hosting Saturday Night Live.  I never really paid attention to him after Roseanne, but this interview made me a fan.

I used to see Sarah Silverman all the time in LA, back when she was mostly known for being Jimmy Kimmel's girlfriend and would sneak out the backstage door after his show, walking down the alley mostly unnoticed while fans waited for Paris Hilton or Jewel or the latest Dancing With The Stars castoff, and I should have taken a photo of her then so I wouldn't have to catch her leaving Sirius all these years later now that she's a big star herself, and I could have already posted that photo on facebook and only have to reference it now and say "Yeah, yeah, I got a picture of her way back when" instead of posting this new one.

And finally, Lea DeLaria just happened to be walking into Sirius while Rick and I were waiting for Jessica Lange.  She plays a bull-dyke inmate on Orange is the New Black, and something tells me it's not much of a stretch for her acting skills.  It's just a hunch, and maybe I'm wrong, but I don't know......

"I don't believe we've met, what with the cruel politics of high school."

Rose McGowan is fierce!  There, I said it.  Girlfriend escaped a cult, was raised by a group of drag queens, got engaged to Marilyn Manson, wore THIS on the red carpet

and starred as Courtney Shayne in the cinematic masterpiece Jawbreaker (one of my favorites).  I'm not gonna let a little botched plastic surgery or overdone cosmetic procedure take away from that, even though she looks a little weirder than she used to, and made a point of walking around me to be photographed on what's left of  her good side.  Hell, she could fall into the entire supply of botox at the 'medical spa' and come out looking like a paralyzed, swollen, allergic reaction mess and I'd still be a fan.  Just ask Janice Dickinson.

Meanwhile, Somewhere In The Polar Vortex...

New York City is currently in the grips of a deep freeze.  Perhaps you've heard about it, since it's the ONLY story in the news for the past four days, as if cold weather in January is something new.  Look, there's Mayor de Blasio shoveling snow!  I wonder how he'll handle this crisis on his second day in office.  Perhaps he should hold a press conference to tell us what we already know - it's snowing.  And cold.  Don't go out if you don't have to.  Gee, thanks Mayor! So when I got the call Friday that although the office was open I should 'take my personal safety into account when deciding to come to the office' I decided to heed the mayor's advice, hunkering down on the sofa for an Orange is the New Black marathon, because let's face it, there's no black ice in my living room and I'd rather spend thirteen hours watching women in prison than eight hours in the office doing nothing with the four others who live in Manhattan and felt guilty enough to go in.

Speaking of prison, here's Drita D'Avanzo at Sirius to promote the new season of Mob Wives, which I'm not even embarassed to say I love.  It's like the ratchet version of The Real Housewives of New Jersey if the whole cast was Danielle Staub.

The Queen of Planet Trash

Welcome back and Happy New Year!  I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday, and that whoever you kissed at midnight didn't give you herpes.

Speaking of the gift that keeps on giving, Brandi Glanville was in town in November to promote valtrex, stripper heels, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and I'm not sure if it's her personality or the editing, but this season has not been kind to her.  I want to root for the sad single mom who got dumped by her douchebag husband and whose dog was apparently chomped by coyotes.  I want her to have more lemons than Yolanda and a bigger closet than Lisa.  I really do.  But this season she's a human sippy cup that still manages to spill, and it's not cute.