There are certain things in life that just can't be explained. What happens to one sock every time I do the laundry? How did anyone ever take Sarah Palin seriously? Why do I find Russell Brand sexy? There, I said it. My name is Kevin, and I find Russell Brand sexy. I don't know if it's the hobo Jesus hair or the quick rapscallion wit or unapologetic manwhore personality, but I am oddly drawn to this freak in the same way that I used to think Dave Navarro was the sexiest man on earth way back in his Red Hot Chili Peppers days, before he married Carmen Electra and started suspending himself in the Chelsea Hotel by his piercings (I'm not kidding....google it). I used to think Russell Brand was an annoying asshole, but one day I was stuck in LA traffic driving home from work listening to him tell Howard Stern about conquering alcoholism, heroin and sex addiction with brutal honesty and humor, and I got sucked into the S&M Willie Wonka cult of Brand.
Anyway, Russell Brand was at the Today Show this morning, and I was determined to get a photo. Thanks to a second cup of coffee, I arrived at Rockefeller Center after he'd gone inside. Rick was there and gave me the heads up...he was real cool going in, signed autographs, posed for pictures, yada yada yada....basically it was worth waiting around for him. All the paparazzi disappeared after he arrived, so it was the two of us and this girl who had her book signed but wanted a picture with him. Rick and I shared info about upcoming celebrity appearances, and he mentioned seeing another guest with some bad plastic surgery arrive with someone in a Bunny Ranch cap and a skanky looking girl, but wasn't sure who it was. It didn't seem like very long, maybe 20 minutes or so, before the lanky, sexy Brit rounded the corner and slinked down the corridor toward us. Very chipper, he posed for the girl, and I snapped away trying to get her out of my photo while he looked every direction except toward the camera. I finally got him looking over his shoulder all Christie Brinkley Prell shampoo commercial circa 1986.
A few minutes later, a trashy looking bleached blonde in a tight mini dress and stripper heels came around the corner with the man in the Bunny Ranch cap and the guy with the surgery. And just as I suspected, it was Scott Thorson, Liberace's ex lover and the subject of the fascinating recent HBO flick "Behind the Candelabra" fresh from jail after being bailed out by Dennis Hof, owner of the Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada and one of his whores. RJ arrived just in time, and Scott and Dennis were thrilled to praise the film, invite us to the Bunny Ranch and introduce us to the hooker, whose name I can't recall and whose photo I should have taken, because all I kept wondering was if she was one of the girls Eric the Midget fucked, and if you don't know who Eric is then you're missing multiple layers of absurdity in this story. So yeah, it's Monday and I met a legit whore on my way to work this morning. How was your day?
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