Ahh...Memorial Day weekend, that time of year when the city starts to smell like a mixture of piss, burnt soft pretzel and three day body odor, Chelsea empties out each weekend as the queens descend on Fire Island, and the morning shows try to outdo each other with their Friday morning summer concert series, a free half hour of live music by some of the 'hottest' names in music. To clarify, you have to get up at the ass crack of dawn, haul yourself to Rockefeller Center or Central Park, and wait in a line that rivals Hands Across America hoping to get a front row spot when the gates open at 6AM for the 8:30 concert, weather be damned, or hope you have a great zoom if you think for a second you're going to get a clear picture with everyone bumping into you and raising their hands in the air and getting in your fucking way. Or if it's Fox and Friends, you can show up at 8:30, grab some free BBQ and stand with about a dozen of your best friends while some no name talent show winner or has been C-lister entertains you for half an hour.
This morning, the options were Mariah Carey in Central Park on Good Morning America, fun. on the boardwalk in Seaside Heights, NJ on Today, and Michael Bolton on the corner of 48th and Sixth Avenue outside Fox and Friends. I had a ticket for Mariah (shows are always free, but for big names where they're trying to control crowd size GMA issues tickets) but with all the rain yesterday, the fact that I've shot Mariah before and my general distaste for large crowds of obnoxious people, I chose to skip it. Bad move. Miss Thing was a trainwreck this morning in her Amanda Bynes weave, rambling about what time she does or doesn't wake up, popping out of her three sizes too small Ver-sayce, and then blaming poor Donatella. I mean really! You can't force a watermelon into a garden hose Mimi! It would have been so great to start my summer with the emancipation of Mimi on live TV, but instead I had BBQ ribs and chicken for breakfast while listening to the soothing sounds of someone trying to pass a stone, I mean Michael Bolton.
I've had 'When a Man Loves a Woman' stuck in my head all day, and for that I say fuck you Michael Bolton!
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