When I Was Younger, So Much Younger Than Today

So yesterday was my birthday, and I sat there blowing out candles and reflecting on another year gone by, thinking back to my childhood when life was easier and cake didn't have calories and I could play outside with my friends until dinner was ready and then watch all the cool shows like Charlie's Angels and Rhoda and Laverne & Shirley on network TV way before Nick at Night made me feel old by calling them classics.  As a huge fan of The Carol Burnett Show, one of my favorite sketches was 'The Family'.  Carol Burnett and Vicki Lawrence were comedy gold as Eunice and her Mama, so it was a thrill to meet Vicki on the ho stroll promoting the Mama's Family dvd release.  Here's where I'd usually insert some bitchy comment, but I WILL NOT do that to a comedy legend who's responsible for one of the greatest songs of all time, 'The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia'.  She looked great and was incredibly nice, but would it have killed her to show up in costume with that sexy Iola Boylan with her?

Scott Baio is a skeezy conservative jerk-off who has milked his Chachi/Charles in Charge fame for about twenty years too long.  Scott was the David Spade of the 70's, partying at the Playboy Mansion and fucking girls fresh off the bus from the midwest when they still had dreams of stardom, before drugs and desperation led them over the hills to the valley and a career in porn.  With a list of conquests including Heather Locklear, Pamela Anderson, Denise Richards, Brooke Shields and Nicolette Sheridan, his cock was like a B-list casting couch.  Now he just looks old and tired.

Remember the other day when you were wondering what ever happened to Weird Al Yankovic?  Well, I'm here to tell you he's got a new book coming out, and he was in town last week to pimp it out.  I remember listening to Weird Al on my cousin Jeff's Sony walkman, way back in the early 80's before mp3s and ipods or cds, back when you had to put a quarter on the needle so the record didn't skip or spend hours winding the tape back into your cassette with a pencil after the player ate it, because that's when music was real and you had to work for it goddammit!  Al's been beating the same song parody dead horse for thirty years now, earning three, count 'em three, Grammy awards, bless his heart and horrifying hair.

Another true survivor, Michael J. Fox is back with a new TV show, and I give him mad props because he's in pretty bad shape right now.  Back in my senior year of college, my roommates and I would take study breaks, hit the McDonald's drive through and pop in an episode of Family Ties (because my roommate Todd wanted to be just like Alex P. Keaton, and kinda is now) or Cheers (because my roommate Glenn just wanted a beer and a laugh) but they never let me put on Twin Peaks because a midget in a red suit talking backwards about a dead girl wrapped in plastic was too heavy for them during finals.  Bastards!!  Anyway, here's Michael J. Fox signing autographs outside Sirius like a true professional, and I really hope his show does well because it's heartbreaking to see him now and I don't even have a heart.