Once upon a time I had the bright idea of writing about my experience each day snapping pictures of celebrities around town. That was back in the days when I'd catch one or two people on my way to work, and it was easy breezy to be snappish about the experience. But now these fuckers are showing up everywhere, two and three and four at a time, and it's been tough keeping this blog current and witty, while still getting to the gym every morning, giving my boyfriend attention and still getting a decent night of sleep. So bare with me while we hit some highlights for some people who, frankly, weren't that interesting to begin with.
Good Morning America's final Central Park concert series featured Alicia Keys, and what in Moe Howard hell did she do to her hair? Girl, fire whoever did that to you, and can the stylist who put you in those hot pink pants that make your ass look fat too! Instead of singing
Empire State of Mind (which would seem like a no brainer in Central Park) she pulled out
Girl on Fire and a
Listen to Your Heart/No One medley before dragging out Maxwell (who I remember from his Urban Hang Suite and my black boy dating phase, circa 1993) for another song that wasn't
Empire State of Mind. Missed opportunity, but at least she sounded good.
Another girl with a tremendous voice is Emile Sande. Try as I might, I've got nothing to say about her except that she kept the fans waiting longer than anyone at this stage of her career should.
So then it was Fashion Week, and the Fashion Police were out in full force at the Today Show (and it's nice to see the Today Show finally booking a good guest. I thought they'd given up.) Kelly Osbourne's skin is so pale she looked translucent, like she belongs in a Tim Burton movie. She must bathe in baby powder, and her gleaming white porcelain skin did all sorts of fuckery with my camera.
Joan Rivers showed up in a limousine because she's Joan fucking Rivers and why not?
George Kotsiopoulos wore a hideous blue jacket made from the skin of a thousand Smurfs and looked like he was clenching his asscheeks to keep the buttplug in, and I couldn't be bothered to wait for that bobble head praying mantis Giuliana to show up because at least one of us had to eat breakfast that day.
Also in town during Fashion Week was Alison Sweeney, host of
The Biggest Loser, star of
Days of Our Lives, and featured on the cover of every issue of Soap Opera Digest for the past hundred years because fans really seem to connect to her wooden acting skills, average looks and stupid storylines like when she shot her rapist in the head and then married him, because THAT'S realistic! As a former porker, it's probably good for her ego to stand next to all the fatties that
Biggest Loser exploits for ratings when all she really wants to do is reach for a donut.
So then Ricky Gervais just happened to be walking down West 48th street while I was waiting for that bitch Julianne Moore (more about that another time, and then never again) and he couldn't have been nicer, stopping to chat, pose and sign autographs on his way to wherever, with no security, bodyguard or attitude whatsoever.
If you told me two years ago that the
Glee star destined to be in a Robert DeNiro/Michelle Pfeiffer film was Dianna Agron, I'd have told you you're out of your mind, but there she was at Good Morning America promoting
The Family anyway. Dianna's much prettier in person, and must have fired the budget red carpet stylist she used to use because she's looking flawless lately. Kudos to her for stepping out of the shadows of 'Look at me, I have perfect pitch and I'm thin and beautiful' Lea Michele.
Alyson Hannigan will forever be known as the girl who stuck a flute up her pussy one time at band camp, so there's nothing I can add to top that, but she looked really cold promoting Children's Health Fund at
Fox & Friends. Someone please hand her a jacket. And some soup.
Speaking of soup, Ana Ortiz, star of my latest guilty pleasure
Devious Maids, was in Times Square to promote Campbell's Soup
because she got paid a lot of money I don't know why. She was very nice to the fans, and much tinier and prettier in person, in spite of that Mr. Ed jaw.
And that's not all, but it's dinner time and I'm getting carpal tunnel typing all of this, so stay tuned for more, coming soon!
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